Nurturing Student Connections with Jessica Taylor

Welcome

to the Resilient Schools Podcast.

We are here at the SDAC Bridging to
Resilience we have here Jessica Taylor.

Jessica, welcome to Resilient Schools.

Appreciate

Hello.

Thank you for having me.

Hello.

Thank you.

Thank you for

having me.

Oh, I'm excited because I was out
here getting set up and then this

woman comes and does a zoom call or
something right next to my table.

which gave me a great opportunity
to test the background

noise, so thank you for that.

and, what I saw when you were doing that
was this love and, great admiration you

have for the people that you work with.

So tell us a little bit
about that Zoom call first.

when you talk.

Yes, so, I am the Trauma Informed
Specialist at an alternative

school in Nashville, Tennessee.

and every morning we do
morning announcements.

at 8.

45.

Today is actually my birthday.

Happy birthday!

Yay!

it's been a big deal for the
students because they really

wanted to celebrate me.

So they called me into the, meeting.

so they could all tell me happy birthday.

But then they wanted to get on camera so
I could actually still see their faces.

being gone from them is very
difficult, because I'm the first

person they see in the morning.

when they're doing check
ins in the morning, it's me.

So, not only is it valuable for them,
it is also very valuable for me.

So, not only So, you do check
ins with them every day?

Every day.

And, what do you do in your check ins?

I

mean, a lot of it is, just that simple
relationship of hey, good morning.

So glad to see you.

if it's on a Monday, you know,
did you have a good weekend?

what did you do?

once we've built that relationship,
they'll say, I'm gonna need a

minute with you before I go up.

Cool.

Great.

And they typically have a seat because
they know that I have to finish

with the regular morning check in.

sometimes it's them telling me about
what they did at work last night.

Sometimes it's telling me
a new game that they found.

and then sometimes it's just
that chat of, how's it going?

said that, uh, was They know I
need to get through the rest of the

check in, so they go have a seat.

And this is something that we,
especially when we're dealing with trauma

situations, we think everything is urgent.

And the reality is, it's not all urgent.

But it often feels like it's urgent.

So, what did you have to do to help
them see that there's a time and a

place, and that time and place does not
necessarily have to be right this second?

have to be right this second?

is kind of that co teaching, too.

and because of that trust,
they may be anxious, waiting.

I always follow through.

So it's really just trust building.

Um, and a lot of times, too,
I get to know the students.

I know how they react
to certain situations.

So for some, they will sit
in the cafeteria because they

can still physically see me.

So they know I'm not going anywhere.

They know that I'm right there.

others are okay with...

Okay, well I'm going to be in Dr.

Brewer's class.

Just come get me.

Okay, great.

But it's knowing each
child for who they are.

And that I think is so key because If you
know who each individual is, then you know

what they need, how to respond to them.

Now, the other part of this is
that you're gone at a conference in

another state, so it is a big deal.

And is this the first time you've done
that, or have you done this before?

right.

When

Mm-Hmm.

. So I may have

Six months, I may have you for a year,
and depending on what has happened,

I may only have you for three months.

but with that being said, it's
also like a carousel of students.

but once they're there, and one
thing that I always tell them, we

do an orientation process, so they
know what our expectations are, what

we call the wellness zone staff.

I always tell them that 9 out of 10
times you will never hear me call you

my students, you're always my kids.

and once you're with me, you're
with me whether you're back at

your home school or you're here.

So, it is very much like
leaving my own child

at home.

Okay.

And so that idea of being able to
step away, take care of your own

professional learning, that kind of stuff.

a conference like this is incredibly
powerful because you're networking

with people, you're learning new
things, and you're developing skills

and other things during that time.

but it's still hard
for people to get away.

What would you say has been your
experience at this conference so far?

Why was it worthwhile for people to come?

So in Nashville they have been a little
quote unquote kind of ahead of the game

on the whole trauma informed practices.

That isn't necessarily
a nationwide thing yet.

So I went to a conference two years
ago in Arizona and then even this

one to see the difference at how far
as a whole we've become is amazing.

To continue to hear like the stories like
listening to Stacey Nation this morning

some of it is, okay, I am doing this
right, I've got this, but also there's

still consistently, things to learn.

I've got this, way.

about

so one of the validation pieces I got
from Stacey this morning was, I've

always let kids sleep in my class,
and never had a problem with it.

And what she said today was,
kids sleep when they feel safe.

And I was like, yeah, that is very true.

And so, maybe it's not such a big deal
that somebody's sleeping in my class.

And, I always said, similar to that,
that the kid obviously needs sleep.

otherwise they wouldn't
actually be asleep, you know,

so why not just let them?

what's the big deal?

so what are some of the, validating
things that you've heard, so far?

so a lot of times that co regulation
and that tapping, just kind of

that stretching, what do they
need, what is underneath, yes they

have this behavior maybe, but.

Okay, well they're going
through X, Y, and Z.

I also just left with, I can't
remember her name, but the behaviors.

sometimes when they're upset,
they just need you to be there.

You don't have to speak to them.

You don't have to talk to them.

It's just that presence of being
there, with that co regulation.

And I think a lot of times...

What I really work with my teachers
on, and really even some of the admin,

is the coagulation piece, you don't
have to just put them in a room, or

leave them alone, just be present with

admin, is the co interrelation is a
lot different than lecturing, it's

a lot different than coaching or
teaching, and it's a lot different than

doing something else, right?

And so, sometimes the...

Presence of being there is enough.

Sometimes they need you to just sit
there and not do anything with them.

sometimes those are hard decisions to
make of what, like, do you really need

me or should I be actually working?

are you at the point where you're having
those conversations with kids and saying

what do you need from me right now?

And what does that look like?

I do actually have one particular student
every day during lunch she comes to my

room and When she first came she hated
my room because there was too much

positivity in the room, she told me.

Um, she was like, it's
gonna rub off on me.

And I was like, it's okay.

I always say, alright, look, you
can talk, you don't have to talk.

where are we at?

do you want me to sit here?

Do you want me to, ask them,
like, what do you want?

So now when she comes into the room.

She lets me know, okay, I need you at your
desk or I want you on the rocking chair.

and we just go from there.

So really, I think too, like just teaching
them the skills of that self advocating

about what you need and then truly
listening to what they're saying they

Yeah, yeah.

that's powerful.

So, what advice would you have for
someone who is interested in this

kind of stuff and, Maybe doesn't know
exactly where to start, or maybe has

been given an assignment or a role
but doesn't know exactly what to do.

How do you suggest people learn new
things, about this kind of work?

one, it's...

Find your people, find someone, rather
that kind of doing research on the

internet and looking at different, like
Bruce Perry, or whoever it might be,

looking up different things, well then
finding those people within your school

system, or within your community, um,
and reach out to them, ask for help, we

don't know what we don't know, um, and
especially in the world of trauma and

behavior, It's consistently revolving.

We all like to think we know
the answer and what's going on,

but we don't and that's okay.

And I think that reassurance
of hey, there's gonna be days

that like you probably mess up,
but we all have and it's okay.

But the biggest takeaway in that too
is when you're working with these kids

if

you mess up, be like, you own up to
it, be like, I did not handle that

well, and I'm real sorry, like,
what could we maybe do better?

Um, so again, it's just kind
of, don't force a relationship

on anybody, just be you.

it's okay, and everybody's
gonna be different.

Um, you may have the same exact job title.

But each individual is different, just
like each individual kid is different.

Yeah, and I, I think that
piece is so important because

you really have to be you.

Because when you're not you,
you come across as inauthentic.

And so when you're trying to do something
the way Stacey Nation does it, or Jim

Sporlier does it, or whoever else you
admire, if you're trying to do things like

they would, it's, it's not gonna work.

And you have to do things
like you would do it.

And so, that also can be difficult
because you don't know what the

quote unquote right thing to do is.

And so, you just do the best you can with
what you got, and you just move forward.

What, what's your advice to
someone who's, who's feeling that?

Like, I don't know if this
is the right thing or not.

I think it's at the end of the day when
you're, when you're driving home, look at.

What's one thing, like, a
positive takeaway that you took?

Is that something that is
going to continue to drive you?

Or do you really have to struggle to find?

a positive take away.

And if you do, it's okay.

Just, we all have an idea of like
what the job might be or what we

think it is or what we're supposed
to do, but if it ends up not being

what's best for you, that's okay.

Just like it's okay to make a mistake.

It's okay if you realize
this is too much for me.

It's too emotional for me.

It's too, and I think there does
come maturity in the fact of Then

kind of realizing, alright, this,
here's what I like about this,

so what else can I maybe find?

Then kind of you're doing at your
school that you're really proud of?

Where you're like, this is amazing,
everybody needs to know about it.

proud of?

Okay, I did not realize this was
going to be such a big deal last year.

So, because they all have social media,
they all snap, they all do the thing.

Well, last Christmas.

So we typically start to have kind of like
kids that go back at the end of December

before the second semester but then
we also Because the last week is exam.

So it's only half days for all my high
schoolers So each day we did a different

like we did a hot chocolate bar We did I
did a photo booth Christmassing, but with

that I took selfies with all of them Some
of them hated it some of them whatever

but I printed out Two so one went onto
my wall and then I handed them one When

they left, and now I've got a new, like,
they're still on the wall, so then now

any time that you leave, like, if you're
going back to your homeschool, you always

get a selfie with Miss T, um, because it's
gonna go on the wall, so much so that,

one, the kids that left last year were
very concerned that their photo was gonna

be taken down, um, so we've developed
a plan on where it should go, but I

think, It's, because I do have an, like,

Thursday, last Thursday, so I do
also go out to the JDC, the Juvenile

Detention Center, so if any of my
students go, or whatever, I actually

can go out there just to do a check in.

I'm not here to tell you, like, you
shouldn't have done X, Y, and Z,

um, but it's just a, hey, I'm here.

It was a former student, I got to
see him, and the first thing he said

was, Do you have that other picture
that we took at the end of the year?

And I was like, yeah, I was like,
I have the one from Christmas too.

And he goes, no, I have that one.

It's on my dresser, but
I need one for my wallet.

And he says, because you said before
Christmas break, he goes, you said, okay,

if we think about doing something that
we shouldn't do, look at the picture

and be like, what would miss Taylor

Oh, man

And he goes, I think I
need one of my wallet now.

Cause I might not be here.

So it's the, it's all the
different connections.

And this is a kid who.

didn't speak a whole lot.

Like, I mean, we fist bumped.

He would check in with me
when it was really bad.

But when he was like, Oh
no, I have that photo.

It's on my dresser.

It was just like, let me
try not to cry right now.

So it's, it's the photos.

It's just that personal piece.

And I think the fact that not only do
I have it hanging, I give them a copy

Yeah.

And smartphones

are amazing, computers are amazing,
but the problem is that it's all

just a big sheet of glass, right?

And so, it's the same no matter what.

It's just a piece of glass and
it's not like a physical thing

that's sitting there that you can
say, like, this book for example.

Like, this is a physical thing.

I can I can look at it and I
can hold it and I can feel it.

And when it's a picture of you and
someone that you know cares about you,

then that's a little bit different.

One of the things that I do to
stay connected to my kids when

I travel is I write them each
a postcard every single day.

And I send it to them
from wherever I'm at.

And, and so this is a very little thing.

And they don't ever say thank you.

I don't care.

They don't need to.

But I know that they get it.

Getting mail always feels good.

getting something physical.

I can text them, I can FaceTime them,
but when I actually like give them a

card that, that sent to them in the
mail, it has a different feeling, a

different experience, and that's the
kind of thing that I'm going for.

So, I love that idea.

I think that's incredibly powerful.

Good.

Uh, anything else that you
feel like we should talk about?

I don't think, and I guess to kind
of, well I do want to go back quickly

to how we kind of even first met.

You forget, like, they've also
had to do a reminder every day

on the morning announcements.

Hey, Ms.

Taylor's not here, so don't look for her.

Like, remember, she's not there.

but I think it's just like
it's just as important to them.

It's just as important to me.

just

like the one kid who was like, No,
I need, like, hold on, like, Mr.

Motorswap, turn on the camera,
like, I need her to see me.

Like, and just to be able to have that
physical, even face to face for a second.

So they know that I'm okay, even
if I'm in a far, far away, in

a different state, to see that.

Yeah, but that's what
real connection is like.

You want to...

See and be seen as well and and
that's how you know that it's a real

connection is that you both want that
and and I think that's really powerful.

Okay, this has been awesome.

Thank

you.

Yes, thank you.

we may need to chat again in the future.

So this doesn't have to be the last time.

Perfect.