Fostering Hope and Courage with Sydney Perkins

We are here at the Bridging to Resilience
Conference in Wichita, Kansas, and

we have here with us Sydney Perkins.

Sydney, welcome to Resilient Schools.

Thank you.

I'm very glad to be here.

I have not had a chance to do this yet.

And I am very glad that my principal
just happened to catch me after

school one day and asked if I would
want to, come be a part of this.

And I really am glad that
I took her up on the offer.

Good, good.

So, why did she want you to come?

I don't even think that like we had
gotten any information about it.

Some of us were staying after school
working and she came down my hall and

she just asked if I wanted to come.

So did you know anything about what
this conference was about beforehand?

We have had other staff members in our
building, they've attended Bridging to

Resilience before, and, I know a teacher
in my building, she's even presented at

the conference before as well, and so I
knew a little bit about it, but I just

I just didn't

didn't know what to expect.

It's like when people say you
had to be there, to really know.

What has been your takeaways so far?

Um,

Every day after I leave here, I
just go over and over in my mind, I

just put it into like one word

Hopeful,

Powerful,

Inspirational,

Encouraging, Brave,

courageous, challenging.

Tons of things.

Yeah, so you teach kindergarten, right?

Yes.

And so, you're working with young kids
that are sometimes fresh out of the home,

their first out of the home experience.

What does this stuff, what are
you learning that's helping you

with working with kids that young?

Really helping me to, like I've
heard before, you know, don't take

things personally, or the child's
behavior isn't because of you.

And I feel like that has really kind of
like resonated with me after some of the

things that I've heard at the conference.

And has really,

shifted my mind.

mind,

And.

tried to, just put myself in the students
shoes, and see it from their perspective.

Like,

maybe

they're not communicating to me
with their words, what they need.

And that's what, my administrator and I've
heard other educators say before, too,

is behavior is a form of communication.

right.

It's difficult for adults
to communicate like this.

It's sometimes impossible for
kids to communicate really what's

going on in their bodies, in
their hearts and their feelings.

So, what are some of the things that
you're doing already or that you've

learned at this conference that you
need to be paying more attention to?

When we had staff members, I
attend Bridging to Resilience.

In the past they've shared things that
they took away from the conference.

They shared it with our whole
staff, like at a staff meeting.

One of the things that I was
interested in was tapping.

Once I heard about it, I
YouTubed it, cause there's a

video, it's tapping for kids.

I started using that in my classroom.

And can you tell us about tapping?

Sure.

Sure.

What is that for those who don't

Tapping.

It's just like a calming strategy and
it's tapping on all your pressure points.

And then while you're tapping, you
repeat like positive affirmations.

And I just feel like to release
like some of the stress and

things going on for kids.

I do morning meeting
every day, and I vary it.

So sometimes it's like a circle
up, sometimes it's like a

partner sharing kind of thing.

I do a lot of social skills stories,
and I have puppets that I use.

I do a lot of breathing.

I think breathing is really
important for calming.

My kids are little and so I
know that they have to move.

And so I try to recognize
that, when they need to move.

One of the speakers yesterday said
that, kids should not be sitting longer

in minutes, than their age in years.

Yes.

So that's like every five minutes
you gotta be moving in kindergarten.

Is that what you're trying
to do with movement?

Some days it's harder than others.

Something that I was thinking about today,
all of these social emotional things are

so important, to do with kids, like, de
escalation strategies, calming, breathing,

those things, but then it's like,

kids

are five years old and I have to try and
also incorporate movement all throughout

the day and like you said every five
minutes and then I feel pressure as

a teacher well I have to teach them
how to add and subtract or I have to

teach them to read so I feel it's just
pressure from like the administration

or my district that I have to, well my
kids have to read and write and do math

it's going to show in my test scores and
things like that so that's frustrating

because I wholeheartedly believe
that, social skills are so important

and

I'm honest with parents at conferences
and I tell them, I will do my best

to help your kid be able to read and
write and add and subtract and count

but my priority is to help
them be good human beings.

Like when they leave my classroom, I
just hope that they are a kind person.

I don't know any other way to say it.

Yeah, that's great.

I think that's a really important
perspective to take because, nobody's

going to remember any lessons that you do.

I mean, you're going to do 180
lessons throughout the year.

a kid might remember one or two
of them, maybe, which is less

than 1 percent of your lessons.

But what they are going to remember are
those deeper things that you taught them.

And one of my beliefs is that
when you actually learn something

spiritually, like at a deeper
level, I use the word spiritually.

You can use whatever other word you want.

When you learn something
spiritually, you never forget it.

And so when kids learn that you love
them, when kids learn that they, have

the ability to chase their dreams
and accomplish them, when they learn

what it feels like to set a goal and
accomplish that goal, that's a really

powerful thing that nobody ever forgets.

You remember that stuff.

There's even been studies on people who
learn how to ride a bike that you don't

forget that even if you get amnesia.

And the powerful thing there is that there
are certain things that you don't forget.

And reading is one of those
skills that you're most likely

not going to forget how to read.

So it's foundational and important.

But also, is not as important as the
kind of person that you're going to be.

Well, they just then they say to you
like relationships, relationships,

relationships, connection is so important.

And I, 100

percent agree with that too.

I mean, if you don't have a relationship
with someone, then you're not going to be

interested in learning or being with them.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

And it's so important to have that
relationship because the relationship

is what allows you to know when and
how to push, know when and how to

back off and have patience and have
empathy and when to have accountability

and all those kinds of things.

And in kindergarten,
like kids love everybody.

So that probably is pretty easy, but
it gets harder as they get older.

What would be your advice to older grade
teachers to help, do more to connect

and build relationships with kids.

Man.

I don't know if I could
pinpoint one thing, or even

if I have, the right answer.

I just, you have to get to know the kids.

While we're talking about this, I'm
just thinking of one particular student

in my class.

who I have a relationship with,
and he respects me, and if I need

to, Get him back on task or remind
him of the expectations or whatever.

He will do it willingly.

Knows

that I have taken the time to
build that relationship with him.

I have private conversations with him.

And I guess that's one
thing I would say is like,

You

can't call students out
in front of everyone else.

Especially students who come with trauma
because they already feel that stress.

And, they may have low self
esteem about themselves too.

And if you take the time to
work with them one on one.

And just really get to know,
their strengths or, even their

weaknesses and help them know how
to, cope , or handle, struggles,

yeah.

And this goes back to what you were
saying before about really knowing the

kids and building relationships with
them, because the truth is, your

default should not be to call out
a kid in front of everybody else.

Once you know a kid and you know
that actually is not harmful to

that kid, but it actually like.

helps them see the reality of the
situation, then you should call them

out in front of their peers, because
you know them well enough to know this

is what's going to work in the moment.

And so much of our thoughts and
beliefs about how we should manage

classrooms and students and stuff comes
down to like these ways of getting

everybody to be the same, right?

And having them all conform to each other.

And the reality is, we need to see
them as individuals and respect them as

individuals and be able to say, Hey, I
know that this is going to work for you.

I'm not going to treat this other
kid over here the exact same, because

it's not going to work for them.

So, I'm going to treat
you as an individual.

That, that's so important, but
so challenging for adults with

30, 35 kids in the classroom.

But it's really the most
effective way to do it.

Anything you'd add there?

and you can get out there.

uh, in closing, Sydney, Kristen,

I think you, you have all this stuff
you've gotten over the last three days.

What is one action that you're
going to take as a result of

being at Bridging to Resilience?

I guess the one thing that's coming to
my mind is like, just being mindful,

And intentional,

Figure out what,

specific thing

is that my students need and how
can I be intentional For helping

them get their basic needs met

And remembering that they are human too

Yeah.

Which I I'm honest with my students too.

I tell them like even I make mistakes.

Nobody's perfect But yeah
in the moment when the

behaviors

It's hard to remember when I'm feeling
dysregulated and I'm feeling, while

this is frustrating for me that this
student is behaving this way, what can

I do to remember the behavior is not
about me, so don't take it personally,

and how am I going to respond and
not react, how can I respond and meet

that student where they are and get
Than what they need in that moment.

It's funny you and several others
have brought up the idea that

behavior is not personal and, my
first presentation on trauma that

I ever did, that was my suggestion.

One of the things that you can
do is make sure that you don't

take the behavior personally.

And I had somebody come to me after
that session and say, you know, Jethro,

that really is not good advice because
Everything is personal to teachers and I

was like be that as it may you still can't
take it personally because this kid is not

directing it at you and I still remember
feeling like this person was wrong they

were saying you can't tell people not to
take it personally and I was like no you

have to not take it personally you if
you take it personally it's just gonna

destroy you and It was so interesting
because they were adamant that I not say

that anymore in my presentations and This
was like what six years ago or something

or five years ago somewhere around there
Anyway, I just remember that and so

it's so reaffirming to hear you say that
here other people here say that I and I

to hear you say that

struggling day.

I have in the class How do I not take this

when it is when it happens for me,

and hear other people here say that.

Again, it's frustrating for me, but
then, like, if I have a substitute,

or we have specials classes, so
they have different teachers for P.

E.

and science and all those classes, and
things, so when the student acts that

way towards me, but doesn't act that
way towards other teachers or adults,

then I do feel like it is, it is me.

And so, that's what I've
been struggling with.

So when you're like giving advice to
other people on this podcast, you're

giving that advice right to yourself.

Yes.

Yeah.

Sydney, this has been awesome.

Thank you so much for your time and thanks
for being part of resilient schools.

Yeah.

It's amazing.

I feel honored.

I mean, really, there's so many emotions
going on, since I've been here and

it's been,

like one of the best
experiences of my life.

So

thanks for having

me.

You're welcome.

Thank you.