Empathy in Teaching with Sarah Reade

Welcome to the Resilient Schools podcast.

I am here live at the SDAC Bridging to
Resilience Conference and interviewing

several people from this conference.

And Sarah, why don't you start by
telling us a little bit about yourself.

about yourself?

I am a second grade teacher.

I have three kids of my own been
married to my husband for many years.

I grew up in a very traditional
household with a mom and a dad and

never had to want for anything.

And it wasn't until I started teaching
that I realized how privileged I am.

how privileged

This is my second year.

I am.

This is my second year.

Um,

Do it now.

I had my degree in education, and then
we started having children, and so I

decided that I needed to spend time
with them at home, so I was at home

with them for 12 years before I jumped
back into the field of education.

I worked for a year as an aide in
the school that I'm at currently,

and then a position opened up
in second grade, and I took it.

Okay.

is this your kid's school?

It is.

Okay.

You're there with your kids each
day, and you're there with them?

Kids in the community, right?

And we just heard a little bit ago
that you're the teacher of one of

the people from SDAC who's putting
the conference on and she said

you're the best so That's good

I had a tough act to follow too,
cause her first grade teacher is

phenomenal, that makes me feel like
maybe I'm doing something right.

Yeah so There are a lot of things
that go into teaching and we're

here at the Bridging to Resilience
Conference talking about not much

academic stuff, but the other stuff.

Why are you here?

We are a school that is focusing on the
trauma informed care and really looking

at the way we respond to our kids and
they, we have, we've sent staff members

to this conference for the last three
or four years this year it was my turn.

My principal reached out and just asked
if I wanted to and I signed up without

any without hesitation, but also without
knowing exactly what I was getting into.

What have you learned?

What do you mean when you say you
didn't know what you were getting into?

I don't know.

I don't think I expected to feel

the raw emotion that has
come with the last few days.

Being able to hear the kids
stories is so impactful.

I teach second grade, so they're seven
and eight years old, and they're not

always going to be able to verbalize
or want to verbalize how they feel at

school, but to hear from the kids who
are older and hear their experiences.

Really makes you stop and think about the
kind of impact that you're having on them.

Yeah.

do you feel this pressure on you now
because you've come and experienced this?

I think the only pressure I
feel is to love them more.

them.

Oh, wow.

Sarah, that is powerful.

Why do you feel that?

Because there's so many of them
that, that don't have that.

And they can't learn until they're
loved and until they feel safe.

Yeah.

I tell my kids almost every day, my
number one job is to keep them safe.

And lots of times that's because
we're making choices that aren't

keeping us safe in our classroom.

But I also want them to know that
before anything else, I'm here for them.

I'm here to keep them safe.

I'm here to love on them.

And then we'll worry about whether
you know your edition facts or whether

you know how to read this paragraph.

I think that if you really dug
into this thing that you just said,

that you need to love them more.

And if that was your priority, the
safety, the learning, the academics.

All of that would follow behind it.

Is that how you feel too?

Absolutely.

So why do you feel like
love is so important?

Because it's lacking in
so many of their lives.

Yeah.

Just, to the degree that
it needs to be there.

I know I can do that with my children,
but if all of the children in our

classroom or school or community
aren't feeling that, then we're

not setting them up for success.

I

Yeah.

I think that's really powerful.

I recently read a book called
The Law of Love by former

49ers quarterback, Steve Young.

And who would have thought that a NFL
quarterback would write a book called The

Law of Love, but it was really amazing.

And he talked about how
loving others is essential.

So many times we are transactional in
things, especially in schools, and it

can be really tough, but he talks about
loving people without transaction, loving

people without expectation of anything
in return, and how that is so powerful.

What does that look like in a
second grade classroom for you?

that means showing up every
day, regardless of how the

day before went, regardless of
what's going on in my own life.

It means showing up for them.

Being a steady figure for them, being
consistent, greeting them at the door,

letting them know that they matter,
developing those relationships to

just give them a little bit of comfort.

Yeah and the things that you're
describing are really things

where you know them individually.

And you know them as people first.

How do you do that in your classroom?

It's little things, it's little
conversations that lead to more

It's starting with hobbies, it's
starting with what did you do this

weekend it's Taking an interest
in what they take an interest in.

in what they

I had so many kids last year that loved
Pokemon, and I do not love Pokemon.

But I got those cards out and we looked
at them and we talked about them.

We designed our own cards.

It's just Finding a way to make a
connection with each one of them

and it's not all gonna be the same
because they're not the same kids

but I think you doing a whole class
activity with Pokemon cards made the

kids who don't like Pokemon also feel
like Maybe she'll do something for me.

What would that look like for you,
going forward from here, to show

more love, to understand them better?

What are some this is what I'm gonna do
now, what are some takeaways for you?

It's overwhelming, right?

firehose.

The last few days have
felt like a firehose.

And I'm one of those people that
want to take everything that you

do, everything that you learn,
and apply it all right away.

And I, it's gonna take a little bit
for me to really digest and figure out.

What's the first thing that, aside
from walking into that classroom

tomorrow morning and giving them
all hugs and loving on them,

that's a good first step.

Don't you think?

I do.

I do.

And

And so you've missed them
while you've been gone.

And why have you missed them so much?

I think because they make just
as much of an impact on me as I

could potentially make on them.

We're a family at this point in the year.

It's been three months and we,

good

and bad it's a family and
we all need each other.

What are you going to do next?

step is going to keep pouring
into the relationship.

letting them know individually that
I see them, that I'm here for them,

that they're safe and they're loved
and I'm going to be there regardless.

see them, that I care for them,
that they're safe there regardless.

Yeah.

You're young in your teaching
career, but experienced in life.

And what lessons outside of the classroom
do you bring to bear for your students?

I think I bring us a bit
of resiliency myself.

I never give up attitude.

Always seeing the good in others.

good

Just trying to make the
world a better place.

the world a better place.

Yeah.

Those a profound impact, don't you think?

So you've learned a ton.

You got all these fire hose coming at ya.

What questions do you still have?

What things are you still trying
to understand and figure out?

I don't know.

How do we help the kids
that just aren't ready yet?

Aren't ready for what?

Aren't ready to open up to a relationship.

Aren't ready to...

Trust.

I don't want to leave anybody behind.

I don't want anybody to walk out of my
classroom not knowing that they're loved.

To think that I, that any of
them , it just breaks my heart.

to just

How do we help,

how do we help the hardest kids?

Yeah.

How do we get through to them
that we are who we say we are?

That they can trust us, that they
will be loved, regardless of...

I think that's the love that we were
talking about without transaction.

Like it doesn't matter what you do.

I still love you.

I still care about you.

You still matter.

You're still worthy.

Yeah.

I'm excited to see what you do
with that because I can see in your

face that this is not just like a
casual, Oh yeah, that'd be cool.

Let me give an answer to this question.

That's like the thing that looks
like it's really weighing on you.

That's the part where, and I imagine
you probably have a kid or two in

mind that are resisting your attempts
to, to make them feel loved and.

Let me ask you a little
different question.

Do they need to reciprocate
for them to feel your love?

No.

not?

I guess as long as I'm giving it at
some point they're gonna realize.

Yeah.

I think you're absolutely right.

And I think that point's going
to come a lot earlier than their

actions are going to show it.

In my work with teachers, one of the
things they think is that If they're

not getting the same thing back, then
it's not there, but that's not true.

And especially working in situations
where kids have experienced trauma

you can feel like I failed because
they never opened up to you.

But that's not what's important.

What's important is you consistently
showing them that you love them.

That you're there for them,
that doesn't matter what they

do, you still care about them.

Those things are what really matters.

And all too often we get stuck
in a trap as teachers thinking, I

need them to open back up to me.

But you don't.

To show them love, you don't
need them to ever open up to you.

Do you believe that, or does that sound

crazy?

you

don't Because I think that I tie so
much to their response as far as whether

they're receiving it the way I intend it.

Does that make sense?

Sure.

you just come to expect some
sort of response when you give.

And for some of those kids,
it's, they're just not,

they

just can't get it.

Yeah.

Or they

Or they won't, yeah.

So the thing about that is
getting something back from them.

We need love too, right?

And so we desire that and
hope for it, but true love is

loving them regardless of that.

Yeah.

And so you're going to have students
that are never going to open up and

show you that love back, but they'll
still know that you love them.

And that's what matters.

That's right.

But it's hard to see that

It is.

because you want that reciprocation.

You want that transaction,
but you can't always have it.

No.

So I think that in that situation,
when that doesn't come back, it becomes

really difficult because you want
it and you feel like you need it.

But the reality is you
don't actually need it.

You just want it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

If you could take one thing from the
fire hose and just pull out the simplest

way you can explain it to somebody else.

You don't have to get it
perfect, you don't have all the

details, none of that matters.

One simple thing that you can pull
out from something that you've

learned that you're like, this
is the thing I want to remember.

What would that

be?

Stacey Nation said something
yesterday about how empathy will

lead you to the right answers.

Nation

And it's highlighted, it's circled
and starred in my notes and I think

that's something that I'm going
to carry with me for a long time.

Yeah.

Cool.

Sarah, thank you so much for
being part of Resilient Schools.

This was awesome.

I know it was a little nerve
wracking, but I'm so proud of you.

You did a great job.

This was a wonderful conversation.

Thank you.